Friday night lament

I am lost. I am lost somewhere in time where the old and the new are transposed upon each other and there is no transition, but much shaking and limbo. Caught between the old-then and the new-now. It almost doesn’t matter, the how of it, the when of it. Just that we get there. This floating distracted indeterminate time, this in between chaotic somethingness that has no name and no linkages, no connectedness, is sapping my soul.

It has no resolution, this old model, this take everything for granted until you break it model. This model that kills all the beauty here on this planet, that lays to waste all that is, that kills all sentience except that, that can fight back – which is EVERYTHING except the dominant race, us. There is NO fixing this mentality – this model of life. It needs to go. It needs to die. And it needs to do it NOW!

We have done nothing except consume everything that is in front of our noses. We have not replenished, we have not cared for, we have not thanked, or felt one iota of gratitude for all that has been laid at our feet. We have simply used it up till it was sucked dry of every gift it had to give without recognition or thanks for what we took.

This new paradigm, this hope of awareness and inclusion… it is on shaky ground. Why? Well, because we still can’t fathom a world that replenishes and loves all that it has. That replaces what it takes with new growth and doesn’t take life that is not willing to give it. We don’t have a bridge to that place. And I am afraid that to get there we will be paying a very steep price. A price that demands as much death and restructuring as we have caused. A price that so restructures our values that we cannot conceive of it yet, a price that will reduce us to our very basic beginnings…. Yet again. And I feel it coming. I feel it!

We are sooo damned stubborn that we are unable to give up the old structure to learn the new. We are so asleep and we don’t want to waken. Life is hard enough as it is. To ask more is too much for our feeble hearts to bear.

So, as in all things in this duality, there will be balance and it will happen whether we can catch up and help it, or by sleep, let it to turn into ashes because we refused to open our hearts and minds and eyes and help. Balance will always be maintained. It is universal law. Swing one way and you WILL swing the other. Law.

We are in limbo because we are not deciding! We have a very short time and then it will not matter. I am sad, because if we do not catch up, all that we know and love will die and transform before we say yes. I love this place and I love how Gaia has provided and mothered and loved us along. But like all children who refuse to leave the nest, we have a very short time to wake up and help, and then it will be out of our hands to decide…

My heart is breaking…and it is hard to breathe.


P.s. I try not to write when I feel like this, but in light of what is going on, I felt  I needed to say this. Take it as you will…

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