Ghosts in the Basement

December 5th 2019 we got the call we have been waiting for since October 17th. at 10:45pm. Neither of us slept much that night. We set the alarm for 5am because we needed to be there by 8am. We showered, coffied and hit the road early because of the undependable traffic and wound up there an hour early. After the check-in process he found himself in a bed and having about 29 vials of blood taken, the transplant intern asking him questions and telling him the risks and the anesthesiologist explaining about pain management. When all was said and done we sat in a semi darkened room waiting, and waiting and… we went home.

Today is Thursday, December 12th… They called us in to the hospital at 1am. We made it here from a sound sleep by 1:58. Kolo is sleeping and waiting. I am waiting poorly. Paula is going to stop by and let the dogs out. Another 29 vials of blood were taken.

I really hope for his sake that he gets the transplant today. He is slowly going down hill, having a paracentesis every week – this Tuesday they took out 9.6 pounds of water from his belly. They stick a very big needle all the way through skin, muscle and sinew to get it. That’s an entire baby. Since they sent him home last week he’s been a bear to deal with and depressed to boot. So for my sake I hope he gets a liver today too.

The stress has been almost unbearable. My stomach is testament to that.

They sent us home at 7:35am…

Dec 18th, the third trip to the hospital we left at 2pm and we were home by 6pm. This liver was from a man 60 years old and when they got into it they did not think it was good enough for transplant. Somebody who was 60 years old died. He probably had a family. Its hard not to think about that part of it.

December 22nd. They called on my birthday (21st) at around 7pm to ask us to come in by 8am Sunday. This time the liver was viable. They took him into surgery at 12:30. It’s now 1:43. I have this vision of him on the table with his belly wide open and the innards that are in the way, moved to the side. I am oddly calm. This will be better than what was happening. He was refusing to eat and he had every excuse in the book about it. He was very depressed and his meld score had gone up to 22.

MELD: Acronym for Model End Stage Liver Disease. A disease severity scoring system for adults with liver disease, designed to improve the organ allocation in transplantation based on the severity of liver disease. › script › main › art

He had begun to loose cognitive functioning very little by little, but even he noticed it. We have all had to learn throughout this process.

Because we had so many trips here, neither he nor I was willing to believe that it was actually happening until he sat in his wheel chair outside of surgery and I kissed him good bye. It is my wish that this procedure goes off without a hitch.

I’ll bet he asked to drive again…

2:22 pm. OR just called. They made the incision at 2pm. So the image I had above is now a reality. I am glad they finally got him a liver today, because with a meld score of 22 (probably 23) he was heading for post-operative kidney stress and problems in ICU. Curiously the meld score is a better predictor of length of stay in ICU than that of the overall success rate of the transplant. The kidney stress he was already experiencing requiring him to be given two pints albumin intravenously last Saturday, are an indicator of sketchy recovery and kidney failure in ICU if he had had to wait any longer. So, it couldn’t have happened at a better time.

While I sit in the surgery waiting room, I keep seeing someone out of the corner of my eye walking back and forth down the hallway. I look up and there’s no one there. After a while I got up and moved further back in this very big waiting room with various alcoves and seating arrangements and away from the hallway so I wouldn’t keep catching stuff out of the periphery of my eye while I was writing part of this story.

At a few degrees away from the fovea the density of the rods on the back of your eye ball rises to a high value and spreads over a large area of the retina. These rods are responsible for night vision, our most sensitive motion detection, and our peripheral vision.

While the visual acuity or visual resolution is much better with the cones, the rods are better motion sensors. Since the rods predominate in the peripheral vision, that peripheral vision is more light sensitive, enabling you to see dimmer objects in your peripheral vision. If you see a dim star in your peripheral vision, it may disappear when you look at it directly since you are then moving the image onto the cone-rich fovea region which is less light sensitive. You can detect motion better with your peripheral vision, since it is primarily rod vision. The rods employ a sensitive photopigment called rhodopsin. From <>

Periodically I keep seeing a shadow moving quickly through the room in my peripheral vision. It is Sunday night and I am the only person in the waiting room – it happened enough to get my attention. The surgery waiting room is in the basement, along with all the surgery suites and… the morgue. It finally dawned on me once I moved where I couldn’t see the hallway, that there were either a lot of ghosts moving through the area, or one ghost that paced a lot.

4pm. Close to three hours later, they closed him up with a successful transplant. He only needed two liters of blood and two hours after that the breathing tube came out of his throat. So far he is a legendary beast on the TICU (transplant ICU) floor. He blew a 2000 milliliter exhale before he was really even back from the anesthetic. The first thing that comes out his mouth is his humor. Once he was back with us he kept asking for ice chips – which they couldn’t quite give him yet. When that didn’t work he started bargaining for them and had gotten down to just an 8th of a chip, when his nurse, Christina finally told him that all he was going to get from her was “tough love”.

Today, Dec 23rd, when I walked into his room, half the tubes and paraphernalia were gone. If this next dose of anti-rejection drugs goes well, he will be moved to the step down unit out of TICU!

The beast…. Who is still not going to drive…

Remember in a previous article where I cited research on the phenomena of the recipient having memories and or feelings that were not their own after transplant? One of the first things out of Kolo’s mouth before he was fully cognizant was, “I am drowning!” followed by “I need to sit up” even though he was already sitting up. It happened about every minute for at least an hour and a half. And it has me wondering whether his donor might have drowned which we will never be told but is a ponder for the future.

He is now deeply asleep and accepting this latest infusion of anti-rejection meds well as I sit here writing this blog. His vitals are good, and he is very strong. I am sending great clouds of gratitude to the universe for his safekeeping and his progress. The next three days are as important as the transplant itself.

Indeterminate Camps of Surety

What I have seen, read and watched lately makes me want to yell “Play Nice!” Everybody has their own take, story, perspective, what ever you want to call it – and NONE OF US knows for sure, exactly what is going on. It seems this is the way certain people want it and we have jumped on that bandwagon.

You know, if you don’t like it, don’t pay attention to it. Personally I have found common threads running through every last piece of information and testimony out there. Has everyone forgotten about the ‘Bigger’ picture? Instead of concentrating on grains of sand, it would behoove us to look at the beach instead, don’t you think?

There is a bit of truth in every story, every legend, every testimony and every psy-ops out there… jus say’in and convoluted can’t even begin to describe the width, depth and breadth of it all. Even the history we think is true is suspect.

Those of you that are wasting your time poking at whatever you don’t like are simply wasting time. Period. We need all brains on deck(!), not out there meandering around the various garbage looking for rotten tomatoes to throw. I used to like twitter for the weird bit of info thrown our way and snatches of conversation going on, but every other tweet is now an advertisement and its gotten as annoying as face book. Then to have to slug through the mud of all the slingers just to find an even half rational tweet that isn’t some kind of ad or stupidity is disheartening.

So, those of you who are actually trying to put the puzzle together have a huge job ahead of you, and part of that job is to keep your head out of everybody else’s you know what. Besides, it’s dark up there and impossible to see anything relevant.

And another thing, this cycle of almost getting there only to have the football pulled at the last moment: I’ve watched this happen year after year at the end of every year – it’s the little brother of the 20 year cycle where things come to a head and the ‘chosen’ useful idiot of the twenty year cycle of dis-info gets his chops busted and we all go back to square one. Aaaand, I’m watching us walk straight into another, yet again…. You know the old saying about the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result?

Has anybody considered that we might want to try a different strategy one of these days? (god knows what….?) But hey, what we have been doing for the last 80 years has worked so well. (NOT) I’m not really a researcher, I’m just an opinionated old bat with a platform (WordPress) and some time on my hands who’s been watching this go on since, oh, I dunno, maybe the sixties?

IMO, we are going to have to get very creative – tricky even, to figure this out because psychopaths will do anything, say anything to get what they want the way they want it. And I have this sneaking suspicion that if we’d just quit squabbling amongst ourselves the beach would come into focus. Because, for absolute surety, there IS something going on and they want us all snugly, smugly locked into our own camps when it goes down.

Trips of Hope and Flights of Fancy

December 5th 2019 we got the call we have been waiting for since October 17th. There was a liver that might work for my husband. We were told when we were accepted to the list that we had to be within a three hour drive to the hospital, so we have hung around the state. At 10:45pm we got the call. Neither of us slept much that night. We set the alarm for 5am because we needed to be there by 8am. We showered, coffied and hit the road early because of the undependable traffic and wound up there an hour early. After the check-in process he found himself in a bed and having about 29 vials of blood taken, the transplant intern asking him questions and telling him the risks and the anesthesiologist explaining about pain management. When all was said and done we sat in a semi darkened room waiting, and waiting and…

I’m not exactly sure what was going through his mind because he chose to lay back in that bed and let his eyes drift shut. But I know what I was thinking. He could die that day. The operation might not go as planned – which they explained some contingencies for like leaving him open for 24 hours and then going back and finishing up, or there could be infection, all sorts of lovely things that, by law they are required to tell you and you must sign a paper that says you agree to the surgery anyway.

One thing is for sure when ever a piece of another’s body becomes yours of any dimension, you notice. Case in point: my husband needed 6 bags of blood about 5 years previous and for two to three months after that he was complaining about not feeling like himself, like something was wrong, but he didn’t know what, just that he felt ‘weird’. So I did some research and it turns out that it is quite common after an organ transplant to wake up craving foods you never even liked before and having unexplainable emotions, ones that don’t fit to you or your situation.

The cell memory phenomenon, while still not considered 100 percent scientifically-validated, is still supported by several scientists and physicians. The behaviors and emotions acquired by the recipient from the original donor are due to the combinatorial memories stored in the neurons of the organ donated.

There have been several real-life cases that support the cell memory theory. Claire Sylvia, a heart transplant recipient who received the organ from an 18-year-old male that died in a motorcycle accident, reported having a craving for beer and chicken nuggets after the surgery. The heart transplant recipient also began to have reoccurring dreams about a man named ‘Tim L.’ Upon searching the obituaries, Sylvia found out her donor’s name was Tim and that he loved all of the food that she craved, according to her book A Change of Heart.

Liver Transplant and Blood Type

In a recent case of possible cell memory, Australian girl Demi-Lee Brennan’s blood group was changed after receiving a liver transplant from her donor, reports the AFP. Nine months after the initial transplant, doctors discovered that Brennan had changed blood types and she acquired the immune system of the donor due to the stem cells of her new liver transferring over to her bone marrow. “In effect she had had a bone marrow transplant. The majority of her immune system had also switched over to that of the donor,” Michael Stormon, a hepatologist who treated Brennan at the Children’s Hospital at Westmead, reported to the AFP.

Organ Donor and Recipient Sharing

An organ donor usually remains anonymous as the hospital opts to not disclose this information to the recipient family. According to the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, only health care providers are allowed to share protected health information of organ donors for treatment purposes to prevent inappropriate use or disclosure.

Not only did 17-year-old Amy Tippins develop a sudden craving and liking for hamburgers following her successful liver transplant in 1993, but she also suddenly developed a deep sense of moral and civic duty and an appreciation for her community at large.

That wasn’t the strangest thing she noticed, however. She seemed to have new abilities as well. She noticed that she would wonder into hardware stores without realizing what she was doing. Also, she had knowledge of a whole range of complex do-it-yourself skills and was physically able to carry them out.

Amy had suffered from acute liver disease, which led to her requiring a new liver. She managed to arrange a meeting with the donor’s family and learned that he was a former US Marshal named Mike James. His family stated that hamburgers were one of his favorite foods, but perhaps more importantly to Amy, they said that he loved to work with his hands and had undertaken several building projects at home before his death. His family also told her that his goal in life was always to help and protect other people.

Amy believes that through the liver transplant, she has absorbed some of Mike’s personality and sense of duty as well as some of his skills.

Various theories have been proposed to explain this notion of ‘cellular memory’. This is a survey of a few prominent ones:

Little brain in the heart

In 1994, Dr Armour introduced the concept of a functional ‘heart brain (9).’ His analysis revealed that the heart has an intrinsic nervous system of its own, containing around 40,000 neurons called sensory neurites. The heart acts independently of the brain, sending and receiving meaningful messages of its own through the autonomic nervous system. It is possible that this newly discovered center of intelligence is responsible for the memory transfer. (see my previous article: Dr. Stephen Porges. His name for it is the Polyvagal System.)

Neuropeptide theory

Pharmacologist Candace Pert proposed that neuropeptides which are stored in every cell act as a sort of biochemical correlate of emotion. It was previously thought that emotions resided in the limbic system in the brain. According to Pert, neuropeptides are protein-like messenger molecules released by the brain neurons which flow through the body communicating among the nervous, immune, endocrine, muscle, and skeletal systems via blood, interstitial fluids and the central nervous system, which are all body fluids. At present, about 100 different peptides are known to be released by various populations of neurons in the mammalian brain. Neuropeptides have also been found in the heart, which could explain some forms of cellular memories reported by heart transplant recipients (10).

Either way,  whether things go great or things go badly there is a statistical chance I may not get the same man back. I didn’t find out on Thursday because at the last moment they found out that the liver wasn’t good enough.

I’m speculating here, but when a liver comes in that could be used for transplant, if it was from the area or at the hospital, I would imagine because it was local that it would be far better to keep it in a body and that body of life support until transplant. Then when your patient was completely ready the doctors begin the first step and would open up the body and take the liver. You really never know what you are going to find until that step. It turns out that the liver wasn’t transplantable. They didn’t tell us why, there are legal reasons which we agreed to before we made the transplant list back in August.

Philosophically looked at, and really in this matter that is all I have, if I want my husband at all, a transplant is the only option. I have never met a more stubborn, willful, quadruple Scorpio in my entire life, so really, what ever ‘traits’ that liver may have, they will wind up not more than a twinkle in his eye. But in my story-bent mind the possibilities are legion and sometimes I just have to tell myself “Oh! Shut up!” (echo, echo, echo – )

Phenomena Plus

Whitley Strieber’s new book is, “A New World“.

It truly is about one man’s arduous saga to accomplish contact, and I think he has done just that.

There are three parts to this article, the myth, the science and the psychology.

The Myth

Within all myth is truth. The truth may be so old and convoluted due to retelling, societal growth and change that it’s hard to find, but there is truth in there.

I think some of what we think are visitors are non-corporeal (without a body) and indigenous to this planet, and that they are a race that we allowed to come here because they were in great need, many thousands of years ago. And… as so many of the legends go, they were also not of the ethical caliber we were, or maybe they were fleeing from a great war and were acting out of survival mode – speculation at its best.


The Tuath(a) Dé Danann (Irish: [t̪ˠuəhə dʲeː d̪ˠan̪ˠən̪ˠ], meaning “the folk of the goddess Danu“), also known by the earlier name Tuath Dé (“tribe of the gods”),[1] are a supernatural race in Irish mythology. They are thought to represent the main deities of pre-Christian Gaelic Ireland.[1] The Tuatha Dé Danann constitute a pantheon whose attributes appeared in a number of forms throughout the Celtic world

Mythological Cycle

The Mythological Cycle, comprising stories of the former gods and origins of the Irish, is the least well preserved of the four cycles. It is about the principal people who invaded and inhabited the island. The people include Cessair and her followers, The Formorians, The Partholinians, The Nemedians, The Firbolgs, the Tuatha Dé Danann, and the Milesians.[7] The most important sources are the Metrical Dindshenchas or Lore of Places and the Lebor Gabála Érenn or Book of Invasions. Other manuscripts preserve such mythological tales as The Dream of Aengus, The Wooing Of Étain and Cath Maige Tuireadh, The (second) Battle of Magh Tuireadh. One of the best known of all Irish stories, Oidheadh Clainne Lir, or The Tragedy of the Children of Lir, is also part of this cycle.

There is even a legend about the first inhabitants of this world being like spirits, or ghosts – here but not here…

Then… If my theory that we are avatars – and some of the best avatars ever created for these ‘others’ – first timers, is anywhere near the truth, then we were created too perfectly and as time went on we developed souls and this soul energy attracted the energy of ‘spirit’ and the combination of the soul and this spirit became self-aware and sovereign. We ‘became’ real, sort of like the story of Pinocchio. BUT there is an old myth about those that came here looking for sanctuary. It did not go well for either peoples. Thus they, as we became more people-ish, decided to withdraw from this plain of frequency as it became too dense for them (see Irish mythology – or history depending on how you choose to see it), and yet they needed to have this experience of this here and now for their own development. Which brings up this theory of mine about Riders, the beings (the Jinn, the Fae and the old ones) meant to inhabit these beautiful bodies we all have.

But because we became sentient they had to withdraw – only asking or finagling their way into a body. Or they ‘rode along with us – quietly, mostly never making themselves known. These riders are… many things, a spectrum of intelligences of all kinds that find attachment through frequency harmonics. They mostly ride along journeying the journey with us. Sometimes helping, sometimes hindering but always in concert with or in harmony with the dominant attitude of the ego and the over-arching soul lesson in the current incarnation. (All because there is some very important unwritten law about soul slavery that can get anyone in this universe in really, really big trouble – I think)

Remember this Movie?

This was where we realized that we just might be looking at an already well developed tech and that there were several ways this could happen.

  • One way might be to create a clone
  • Another way might be to create an avatar body that could cope with the constraints of the environment for you.
  • Or, there is always the possibility that an automaton could be used.

And these are all ways that would include your own conscious input and control instead of taking over another organic being.

The Science

Whitley talks about how they live outside of time, i.e.: they know everything that is going to happen and why – almost mathematically. This makes me think of the Quantum-consciousness model of consciousness, superposition, intent, and consciousness as a ground state (it came first – not the other way around…

Just a word about superposition in two ways:

  1. as science math

Quantum superposition is a fundamental principle of quantum mechanics. It states that, much like waves in classical physics, any two (or more) quantum states can be added together (“superposed”) and the result will be another valid quantum state; and conversely, that every quantum state can be represented as a sum of two or more other distinct states. Mathematically, it refers to a property of solutions to the Schrödinger equation; since the Schrödinger equation is linear, any linear combination of solutions will also be a solution.

An example of a physically observable manifestation of the wave nature of quantum systems is the interference peaks from an electron beam in a double-slit experiment. The pattern is very similar to the one obtained by diffraction of classical waves. From <>

  1. as consciousness

Ok, in plain words, think about telos, or final intent (a goal). An intention is an idea about what you want to have happen in the future (time – which is an artifact of consciousness) which creates a visual-spatial representation or story in your mind’s eye.

When the story forms in your consciousness it is in a superposition quantumly; instead of watching it happen in the here and now, you are watching it happen in the future.

Once you watch it you then know what it is you have to do to create it and you make your first steps; or, once you watch it you collapse the wave form out of its super position and backwards into time to the here and now. Interestingly enough, once you take the first step in the here and now, the universe conspires to help you out and you get synchronicity. From <>

What it boils down to is that observation actually changes what is there – what you observe and it is actually chosen in your mind by what you decide to see –

When Max Planck was asked what had he learned, he said that;

“Consciousness is fundamental and causal. Space and time arises from consciousness, not the other way around. You can’t get behind consciousness.”

(Consciousness IS the unified field. – A. Bell)

“Science cannot solve the ultimate mystery of nature. And that is because, in the last analysis, we ourselves are a part of the mystery that we are trying to solve.”

Max Planck, Where is Science Going?

We are entangled….

Whitely said it makes the visitors emotionless to already know what is in front of them (probably because of the way they live in time which is not linear to them) and they need to share time in a body with us, to feel the feelings living in time can bring.

Michael Pollan say in his new book that:

One of the things that commends travel, art, nature, work, and certain drugs to us is the way these experiences, at their best, block every mental path forward and back, immersing us in the flow of a present that is literally wonderful—wonder being the by-product of precisely the kind of unencumbered first sight, or virginal noticing, to which the adult brain has closed itself. (It’s so inefficient!) Alas, most of the time I inhabit a near-future tense, my psychic thermostat set to a low simmer of anticipation and, too often, worry. The good thing is I’m seldom surprised.

The bad thing is I’m seldom surprised.

Pollan, Michael. How to Change Your Mind (p. 16). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

The Psychology

However, (thought experiment here) I do not think a non-mammalian construct can understand the intent of a human until they walk in a human body, so I will have to agree to Whitley’s assessment of one of the reasons why the visitors want to time-share a body with us.

But, and here is the experiment – could you imagine what it would be to pop into a human body without any referents and be inundated by a flood of literally ‘alien” sensation and feeling that was unknown to you??? Maybe they observe as they ride and some part of us explains…?

But Cliff High also has some ideas on this. His theory addresses the issue through the vagal nervous system in the human body:

The Vagus Nerve or, the 10nth Cranial Nerve is the longest nerve in the human body.

The vagus (CN X) nerve historically cited as the pneumogastric nerve, is the tenth cranial nerve or CN X, and interfaces with the parasympathetic control of the heart, lungs, and digestive tract. It is the longest nerve of the autonomic nervous system in the human body..[1] From <>

In trying to find the video that Cliff High did where he explained this, I got lost, but I did come across a video by the developer of the theory, Dr. Stephen Porges. His name for it is the Polyvagal System.

In this short 25 minute lecture video he explains that we have a trifold system that is ‘phylogenetically ordered’, meaning it has three parts developed over time for definitive purposes. The newest system additions being used first as a subconscious response to the environment (which he calls Neuroception: the body’s ability to respond to environmental cues bypassing a cognitive realization) such as facial cues and language and tonality to judge safety, danger – which engages a slightly older system and gives us fight or flight, to the very oldest system relating to a life threatening situation which can cause paralysis and feinting.

(This theory could possibly explain two very interesting facets of the abduction syndrome, that of immobility/paralysis and of the feeling of never wanting to look into the eyes of the captors, because that is one of the cues of the safety zone higher functions – mostly cued by facial relaxation or tension in and around the eyes and forehead.)

This creates two (maybe more) probability theories:

1: That these beings are a life form that is not mammalian ie: they don’t have a vagal nervous system therefore have a complete inability to understand the values, ethics, thinking and social structures that emotions and feelings engender. Imagine a species that didn’t understand our emotion that didn’t have a mammalian vagus nerve system – they would be unable to find meeting ground with us, much less understand our thoughts and short hand in our minds visual cues or our moral codes and ethics. Their understanding would have a completely different set of values depending on how they perceived reality and what their structures of organization were capable of realizing. ( a good reason they might want to ‘ride’ with-in us??)

2: They are a highly developed AI.

So: Out on a limb here by trying to put three different viewpoints together (and clumsily, I might add)

We have a few disingenuous races here, and many visitors – we have wounds to heal between the race that wanted union with us and the races that have come after us in many frequency forms – physical and not so physical. We need to remember what happened to us eons ago in order to know what is happening now and how it needs to be healed for the present and the future. And, IMO we have to realize that we were created for this type of union, we were made to be inhabited – at least the bodies that we are inhabiting now. We can learn to share, we can decide to be sovereign or we can abdicate and to whomever or whatever. But we can only make that decision if we know we have those options.

We are also stuck, for the moment, in a perceptual black hole. I am sure there are technologies out there that have already pulled us out of that hole, however, they are not open to the public. There are also people who have developed, using biological tech (their bodies) a way to communicate out of our current frequency cage, but those people are minimalized and laughed at in the general public.

IMO, Whitley, in good faith and with years of practice has connected to another set of frequencies and has opened dialogue with those that live there, however even he states in his book that many different beings come through; some are his friends, and some are not.

I think he is right about the urgent need for opening human perceptions, because right now we are all like the three blind men describing a different part of the elephant. He uses the sensing exercise from Gurdjieff to expand his senses, but there are other ways too and it boils down to ‘noticing’. Whether that noticing happens in the body, the mind or the emotions – it is noticing a difference in the now-in-the-moment homeostasis of you. If you are not paying attention, or don’t know what to notice it is impossible to perceive slight alterations on any of the above systems. The reason it works on people who have endured abuse is because they already have everything primed to duck, and once you learn that it is always on and always in the back ground and IMO it is powered by the Polyvagal System.

We experience fear when we encounter different frequencies out of our normal range – this is part of the above mechanism, sort of like an early warning system. The greater the difference the greater the fear. This knowledge is used as a tool to manipulate us. If those circuits are used we can be immobilized by fear and if the dickering in our brains goes to an even older deeper place, we can be paralyzed while fully cognizant. It is as instinctual as breathing because breathing is part of the vagal path. IMO It may take a bit of practice to learn it, how to control it and when to listen to it. Like learning a new language or new sport. Until we can get up to speed with it, we will unwillingly be controlled by it. Like riding a bike, you crash and try again until you are so skilled that you can let go of the handle bars gliding down the street if you wanted to.

IMO this could be hard, but not… and by that I mean that like any other thing we Intend to do we can learn this, we can pioneer this, we can McIver this, seriously. Let’s pull it out of superposition and make it a reality, dang – I sure want to talk to, experience, whoever they are, I mean really, all I want is a peek. IMO, it is the only way we are going to figure out who we really are.