Just posts

I wrote these two blog posts simply as diary entries with no intention of publishing. Now I am feeling pressure to publish. Please forgive me ahead of time.

Dec 28 

I’ve had to consider that there is some kind video show out there for every type of need. There are people out there with hopes and there is some type of podcast to fill those hopes. Whomever is watching what we watch knows exactly what our emotional needs are while we sit in our self decorated prisons. 

With all that is panning out in the world right now, and the cold weather, the extra hours of dark, it is particularly hard to be happy. 

I suppose I might be one of the people who actually sort of sees what the future is holding in the next 20 years. Even if this election goes to Trump, we are already invaded – and not by China! The globalists have done a pretty good job of destroying – rotting us out from the inside, and they are invaded from space, or so they would have us believe. The covid is an insidious mind virus, first and foremost, that is controlled by the electronic soup we live in, which then creates the rest of the current mess.

Stress and pressure has hit an all-time high-and people everywhere are afraid of each other and their environment. Its a perfect storm. Most people like me are hoping Trump will be the means to a jumping off point into the future. A lot more just want to go quietly into the night in a Biden-China-Global-Nazi regime: Hell, why don’t we all just check into an old folks prison?

My mind hurts, my soul cries, my body fights daily all the pressure and poison, awaiting spring and the return of light. I wonder just what kind of disaster is in the wings next. I understand why a lot of people are just not dealing with it. The only way I can is to dream of a future that has already brought us through the mess.

Things go on today, crimes that just 20 years ago would have been undreamt of, because the public outcry would have stopped it. 40 years ago these things would have never even started, never have been conceivable. And yet, we sit here today watching crimes play out before our eyes and don’t even see them! Has America turned into the modern day Sodom & Gomorrah? Every civilization before us has ended this way. 

A black ethic has crept in from below rotting out the once beautiful and strong timbers – the soulful ethic upon which the structure of a nation of people was built.  No one sees it.

I have worries that those of us actually aware of this have no recourse but to watch.

No one thinks they can change it, or stop it and most don’t even see it. We have all fallen: fallen from awareness into a stupor-lulled complacency and blame. That has NEVER solved anything. I am worried.

I hate writing this shit, but there it is.

Dec 29

There is definitely something going on with my brain. I feel really stupid. Why that is I don’t know, but I know I’m not stupid. I’m no wordsmith and only a half-ass analyst. All I’ve ever been is an imaginer. I suppose it’s a very programed way to look at myself: if it doesn’t make money, then what good is it? But I do care that something I do or something I am has value beyond just breathing. 

My body is suffering yet another sinus infection. It slows me to a stop with exhaustion and brain fog. Brain fog is a result of toxic tissues and not enough fluids to flush them out. 

My own understanding of life has always been a bit different than the norm. I fit with people like Laura Eisenhower which makes me wonder if I haven’t run a foul of MK-ultra. That said, I endured that type of mind abuse as a kid in my own home and it severely limited my potential as a contributing adult. It is what it is. There are work-arounds.

It was a weird series of events thru my teens. Actually its been a weird life. There will be times that I am triggered when I watch UFO stuff and other times when I know things I should not know, given the type of life I have lived. There are times when my body remembers and I don’t – it reacts with an adrenalin drop and I am confused as to why. My body’s memory is better than my mind’s memory – is that possible? I need to look into that.

The whole world is at that point where just like a person recovering from an abusive family, you step back and look with untainted eyes at where you came from and wonder just How the Hell you made it through all this disfunction with eyes that could actually see the truth.

Then you have to ask yourself, whos’ truth? And just exactly what kind of truth do you want to be living? What is right for you? Creation and imagination come from that inner base strata. People often mis-label that as the inner child-because its the only time they can remember being that free and creative – but its deeper than that. Its more that, it’s the ground-state connection to your soul, your divinity: the-minute we put out that word, divinity, there is a disconnect, because we as muddy humans just can’t be divine creatures. We can be a lot of things except DIVINE. Because humans and GODS are separate, And never should we strive to be what is better! (???) Especially like “The gods” – little ‘g’.

(INTERESTING) It means 2 things:

  1. The name, ‘inner child’, is just one example of a way to put down one of the very best attributes we have: our creative link to divine source. You can identify this as programming because our natural state is identification with divinity, that is who we are. But that name alone de-powers this creative aspect.
  2. We must  then ask – “Who” told us this? And why?! NOTE: on #1. just look at children and babies to understand they are divine until we ruin them. Who is a valid question that could lead to understanding.

But, Why?

Why is a useless question until you can stand outside the circle of influence and look, and then that question becomes self-evident.

We are caught in a society that trains people to be sheep. To loose touch and awareness with their goodness. Goodness: we are told we are nothing but if we work ‘real hard’ we can escape being total bums on the street and maybe, just maybe, have a life with a little less suffering. Gods forbid, (literally) that we discover real joy and soar above misery and despair.

This bullshit HAS to end.

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